


to live & let go

by koganewest



Series: KWmonth [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Child Abandonment, Child Neglect, Crying, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Keith & Krolia (Voltron) on the Space Whale, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Orphan Keith (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 09:56:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16951839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koganewest/pseuds/koganewest
Summary: It's been been weeks since the flashbacks, so Keithknowswhy his mother left. He knows why she had to go back to war, knows why she had to leave him with his father, and knows why she had to go back to space. Keith knows why she left him.But he still doesn't quiteunderstand.





	to live & let go

**Author's Note:**

> day 19 of KWmonth: space whale

Keith brings it up out of nowhere.

It's been been weeks since the flashbacks, so Keith _knows_ why his mother left. He knows why she had to go back to war, knows why she had to leave him with his father, knows why she had to go back to space. Keith knows why she left him. 

But he still doesn't quite _understand_.

“It was hard,” he begins, trying to stay strong and keep his voice from wavering pitifully. They're lying on their backs within the cave they found, staring up into nothingness. Kosmo is curled up next to Keith, head resting on his stomach after being lulled to sleep by Keith's steady breathing. Krolia doesn't say anything, almost encouraging him to continue because she's at a loss for words. 

“It was hard living without y–” he stutters, unsuccessfully trying again to speak without sounding weak, “without a mother.” 

Krolia tenses beside him. They both know it's going to be a rough conversation, but they also know that it’s a conversation they need to have, after so long of being separated. They've both been stewing over it, each on their respective sides of the universe, for far too long. This is inevitable, almost as unavoidable as unwatched pot of water on a stove. 

“It was hard living without my son.”

And immediately, Keith boils over.

“Are you fucking _kidding_ me?!” He demands, surging up from where he’d been laying down. Kosmo startles at the sudden movement, standing at attention as Keith does the same. Krolia merely sits up, face as calm and reserved as always, not betraying any emotion. It only serves to frustrate Keith further. “You think you had it bad? Just because you saw a few flashbacks doesn't mean you know what I went through.”

“That is correct,” she responds, still not standing, just gazing at Keith evenly – like this isn't a conversation he'd needed his entire life. “But I struggled as well.”

“I don't give a fuck how you felt! _You_ abandoned _me!”_ He practically snarls, seething. He knows his nose is wrinkled, knows he's baring his teeth, knows he's scaring Kosmo, but he doesn't fucking _care_. He doesn't care if he's being unreasonable. He deserves to be unreasonable. After eighteen years of injustices, he deserves to be outraged at her. “Do you even realize what you did to me?! You made me think I was worthless and broken and undeserving of– of love!”

The words echo in the cave. Keith watches his mother cross her legs, sitting forward slightly. _Good,_ he thinks. _She's uncomfortable._

“That was never my intention,” she admits softly, staring at her hands. It cools Keith’s anger slightly, especially as Kosmo nudges his nose into Keith's leg as a gesture of comfort. For a moment, neither of them say anything, and the only noise among the cave is Keith's breathing – frustrated and heavy – and the steady crackle of their fire. Tense air settles among them. 

“It doesn't matter what you intended,” Keith spits coldly. “No one wanted me after Pop died. I was alone on Earth for _so damn long._ And even if you’d known I was alone, you wouldn't have come back for me.”

Krolia doesn't dispute it. 

(Keith had expected it, but it still hurts. He storms off and doesn't return until his anger has faded to sadness.)

* * *

Krolia brings it up out of nowhere. 

“If it helps, I thought of you every day we were apart,” she admits, in a similar position as they'd been before, staring up at the stars on their backs. This time, though, Kosmo is with her, and Keith lies just a little bit further away from her. They both sigh nearly simultaneously, and the fire crackles on beside them. 

“It doesn't,” Keith admits, voice full of undisclosed emotion. Krolia seems to stiffen, and she doesn't turn her gaze from the sky above them. 

“I loved you the whole time,” she whispers into the space between them, and the few words shatter what’s left of Keith’s resolve. He’d been trying this whole time to act like he was solely consumed by anger, by frustration, by anything but hurt. He didn’t want to show his grief, especially to someone who inflicted seemingly endless pain upon him.

Still, he can’t help himself. He’s spent a lifetime withholding his feelings. 

“I needed you,” he chokes, voice thickening as emotion gags his throat, creeping up from the restricted portions of his heart that he’s protected for so long. He doesn’t want to break down again, though, so he takes a deep breath and wills himself calm. “It doesn’t help because I needed you, and you weren't there.”

“I know,” she admits. 

And for now, that’s all that can be said. Silence settles between them, though it isn't serene or calming. There's an unspoken tension between them, so tangible that even Kosmo notices. He whines, and Keith watches him nudge at Krolia’s side anxiously. 

“Would it help to talk about it?”

Keith doesn't know how to answer. It wouldn't help, of course, because talking wouldn't change the past. Maybe, though, it would help get Keith a little bit of closure. Maybe it would help to rid his system of it, just like a bad virus. He decides to talk. 

For a while, she just lets him talk without interrupting. He starts off a little angry, a little sad, but mostly resigned. There's a heaviness in his chest that refuses to lift.

“–And after he died, I kept thinking it was just a bad nightmare, that I’d wake up and he’d be there again.” Keith pauses and takes a deep breath. Krolia still has not said a word. The shadows from their fire makes it impossible for Keith to see her face, but he can sense her unease. Frankly, he doesn't care if she's uncomfortable; he just continues on. 

“Eventually, I accepted reality, but I still made unrealistic wishes on stars. Like, I used to imagine what it'd be like if someone came for me. I expected a woman to show up to the orphanage and say she was my mother, tell me that she'd heard about Pop, and promise that she had come as quickly as she could,” he admits, before bitterly snapping at Krolia once more. “No one ever came. I stopped wishing on stars pretty quickly.”

Keith lets his words echo, Kosmo lifts his head, and Krolia–? She starts to cry. 

At first, Keith doesn’t register it – doesn’t even consider tears a possibility. He thought she was coughing, but after a moment, he realizes she’s actually sobbing into her arm. 

He didn’t even think Galrans could show emotion, let alone _cry_. It’s a horrifyingly jarring to see her like this, since she’s always been so stoic. He wonders what exactly he said that made her break, but he also figures it’s too late to wonder that now. Now, she’s a mess.

“I’m sorry,” she cries, just as he’s about to ask what was wrong. “I never wanted to hurt you, I swear. You're my baby, and I’m– I’m _so_ sorry, Keith.”

Her breathing is erratic and uncontrolled, posture stiff, as she curls into herself and shakes. Keith contemplates ignoring it; in the end, though, he’s knows he's spent too long being angry. Maybe it was time for Keith to forgive. 

He inches over to where she’s sat, timidly and carefully and desperately trying not to startle her. She tenses up, like she’s anticipatory of what he’s going to do. 

And for the first time in his life, Keith hugs his mother.

**Author's Note:**

> this is a bit cathartic for me, as most of my keith angst is. i really think something like this should've been canon in the show, since Keith really probably couldnt had forgiven 18 years of pain in one scene. 
> 
> anyways, i really needed this, so i wrote it literally all in 24 hours. hope you enjoyed this as i did.  
> -lily ([tumblr](Https://koganewest.tumblr.com))


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